Breaking Free

About a year after I created  Oliver’s Odyssey, I found myself at a backyard barbecue with a women I’d never met. I was telling her about this blog, the story behind it and what it meant to me.  When I finished she laughed and said, “Well, I think it’s kind of funny that you call it Oliver’s Odyssey but it’s really about you.” 

This comment, which may strike others as rather benign, immediately amplified every insecurity I’d ever had about my writing. I mentally checked out of the conversation she and I were having, unable to get past the cascade of negative thoughts taking over my mind. 

“Was her comment meant to be as critical as I’d heard it? Was this how everybody felt about what I wrote? Was I making a fool of myself by thinking anyone would actually care about my experience within the HIE life? I was, after all, a nobody; my life uninteresting and devoid of anything meaningful to share.  It was only Oliver who had something to offer the world. It was only his story that was worth telling.”

In the weeks following that barbeque, these intrusive, critical thoughts continued, spinning a web of lies in which I became trapped… All based on one person’s, perhaps, innocent opinion. 

Deeply insecure about my creation and my own self worth, I allowed her comment to wreck my creativity and connection to flow. I took a long break from writing. Halting my urge to share my emotional experience of this life, I waited until something concrete, factual, ONLY about Oliver came through. 

But the harder I tried to write what I thought I “should be writing” the less inspiration came. I felt no connection to technical writing. I didn’t want to create essays about cerebral palsy or brain injuries or even therapies or treatments. I wanted to write what flowed from my heart, which has always been my lived experiences, the emotions within them, and the things they teach me.

That barbecue was nearly 3 years ago and I have to say, the beliefs I created around that single comment have haunted me ever since. Although I eventually did make my way back to writing from my heart, I’ve continued to second guess every post that I make. Is this enough about Oliver to post it here? As if my readers are keeping track, dinging me points for being “off topic.” 

The truth is, everything within Oliver’s Odyssey is connected to my life. 

This Odyssey which Oliver leads is the journey of my own personal awakening through the HIE experience, my initiation into motherhood, womanhood and the unfolding of a spiritual quest through earthly life. Oliver’s soul and story are inextricably connected to mine and truly, I couldn’t separate us even if I wanted to. 

The symbolism of a spiral, our logo, signifies the integration of all things into ones journey through life. And now it is time to integrate the multi-dimensionality of my own experience, guilt free, into the Odyssey.  

This blog post, as unnecessary as it may seem, is my public permission slip to break free from the shackles of my own censorship and to write what comes through, regardless of the muse; embracing the entirety of that which I have always been, an empathic, open-hearted over-sharer who delights in talking about the shadows, the fringe, the esoteric and the interconnected nature of all things.

To me, the HIE experience encompasses all of these and is about so much more than just becoming a parent. It’s an opportunity for profound personal development, a chance to discover the world on an entirely different level, and an invitation to dive deep into the limitless expansion of our own consciousness.

So as this year comes to an end, I invite any of you who’ve been holding yourselves back along with me, to release your made up stories and self-limiting beliefs, to tell your fears to take a long walk off a short bridge and to enter this new year with your hearts wide open, ready to fully embrace your unlimited potential.  

Break free and Become my friends.  Break free and Become what you’ve always Wanted to Be.