Hot showers have always been one of my most favorite things in the whole world. When I’m tired, sick, stressed, worried, sleepy or wound up… a hot shower is always the cure to my ails. I love the calming caress of the water as it falls over my shoulders, melting away the tension and easing my worried mind.
This week there have been many worries. When Oliver gets sick like he is now, inevitably my brain loses its grasp on the present moment and catapults itself into the future with questions of his survival. It’s definitely something I still struggle with often when he is unwell.
As I stood under the shower tonight I could feel the week’s tension melting and my mind found a moment of stillness.
Conrad handed Oliver in to me and as I held his limp body under the water, he looked into my eyes and a slow sweet smile spread across his lips. This is one of the only smiles I’ve seen all week. I leaned him back so the water droplets fell in a steady rhythm over his hair…. This is his most favorite part. As the water cascaded over his head, he closed his eyes and his lips parted a bit. The expression on his face was one of absolute bliss. My heart began to glow with love and appreciation for this indescribably sweet moment of connection.
Hot showers are one of Oliver’s simple joys too.
There was a time when I worried that I would never be able to connect and feel joy with him. I felt robbed of the opportunity to share my love of nature, my quest for consciousness and my knowledge. I grieved the loss of a verbal relationship where I could bond with him on an intellectual level and share the wisdom I had collected over my lifetime.
But these simple joys are a way around all that. And in fact, these moments of quiet connection are more meaningful than I ever could’ve imagined. They are moments when our hearts are still, together, in peace, beating as one.
Maybe I won’t ever be able to teach Oliver the things I dreamed of sharing with him. Maybe, instead, he is meant to teach me. The wisdom he imbues upon me in his sweet silent way is far more valuable than anything I could offer him.
Tonight his lesson was about Finding the Simple Joys. He reminded me to dwell in each of these moments of bliss and savor them for as long as they last.
In the midst of darkness, find the Light.